The Horrid Lessons Of Life
by lassenri
Summary: Bilbo lost her husband, her students and her child. She had broken and all the others left her alone, at least until an overly pushy and wonderful wizard made her leave the shire on a mad adventure to steal a stone. When Fili, Kili and Ori are exposed to danger, Bilbo reactivates her long lost maternal, teaching and fussing habits and becomes and on the road mother of sorts.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own the Hobbit or its Characters **

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Chapter1: Before the Beginning part 1

Bilbo hummed slightly as she walked down the road to where she was meeting her students with her small hand resting on her swollen stomach and a small basket over her arm. The sun was warm and the slight wind chased leaves and flowers through the air.

It had been 4 months since her husbands death and in that time her baby had started to show more and more, leaving pink stretch marks across her pale skin. At first, Bilbo was terrified. She would be raising a child in a big house by herself, not to mention her leach of a cousin who would take any opportunity to take her finances and house away. But Bilbo realized that her lovely students, their parents and her friend would look after her and suddenly the world seemed far less suffocating.

Walking up the hill, slowing down slightly as she began to tire, Bilbo saw the bright and cheery faces of young Hobbits who sat cheerfully eating and talking.

"Hello, everyone!" Bilbo sang happily, putting her basket on the ground before stretching her back. The young Hobbits looked up and smiled. "Mis Baggins! Miss Baggins" They chimed.

"What are we doing today?" One asked, her arms full of books and flowers. Bilbo laughed elegantly before sitting down not quite as elegantly as she would have liked.

"Hold on, First things first! Who did their homework?" Bilbo tutted, smirking slightly to herself. The young Hobbits rummaged around for a moment before, one by one, showed Bilbo small pots of flowers and smiled brightly at the nods and praises they received.

And so the Lesson began; Bilbo had told the children about the rain and sun, giving smaller explanations here and there, before stopping for Elevenses. The young Hobbits danced around and sang, some of the smaller ones sitting by Bilbo and some of the more mature ones asked about the baby.

As Bilbo stood up to announce the start of their next lesson a horror filled scream ripped across the field. The students became deathly quiet and Bilbo felt her heart beat fasten in her chest. A low growl and groups of laughter alerted Bilbo to a presence behind her.

"...run" Bilbo squeaked as she locked eyes with one of the many huge Warg riding Orcs. "RUN!" She cried again, this time getting her young students to move. The group ran down the hill towards the crops where they could hide. The smaller ones began to cry and the bigger ones and resorted to carrying them, making them slow slightly.

"RUN, GO, GO ,GO!" Bilbo cried again despite her own pace being rather slow. One student has slowed and wrapped an arm around Bilbos waist in an attempt to speed her up. They ran and ran, closer and closer to the crops until they were nearly in them when, with a sudden cry of laughter, they exploded into flame. The children screamed and cried and Bilbo let out a mournful yelp when she noticed two of the children laying in the flame, their clothes and hair creating black smoke and their skin turning a crisp brown.

'no, no, no, no! What do I do?!' Bilbo though, panic pulsing through her.

"DIG!" She yelled out in a sudden burst of strength. She lunged forward, despite her stomach crying in pain and discomfort, and began throwing dirt behind her. As the holes grew deeper Bilbo began to push her students in them, covering them up with leaves and dirt.

A laud howl alerted Bilbo to the incoming Orcs and Wargs and so in a final burst of energy ran away, making as much noise as possible as to distract the invaders, hoping beyond ope that her students stay hidden and that she could continue to dodge the Orcs for long enough.

Bilbo ran for what felt like hours bit in reality was mealy minutes. Dodging plants and Wargs alike until, with a pained cry, her dress was caught by sharp teeth and the Lass was surrounded. Bilbo had never been so scared in her life and tears had began to fall from her green eyes. The Orcs looked at this and laughed.

"He! It's scared!" One spat, elbowing another in the rib and earning a stab to the leg.

"Look' like it's alone..." Another grumbled. "...Well, not completely" It corrected itself pointing to Bilbos large stomach with a disgusting smile making Bilbo wiggle and squirm in fear of her child.

"No, no, can't have that!" The largest of the lot laughed before it grabbed Bilbo by the hair and dragged her closer to the others, making her shake and cry harder. Her arms and legs were held tightly and Bilbo started to hyperventilate. The largest Orc nodded to a smaller one across from Bilbo and began to laugh.

After a few seconds the Orc lunged forward, giant club raised high, towards a terrified Hobbit and in a fail swoop rammed the weapon into Bilbos stomach with all its strength.

There was a horrid tearing sound and Bilbo fell into such an extreme pain that she couldn't scream, move or think. Warm liquid ran down her legs, slowly increasing until blood was pouring onto the ground. Another cracking sound rang followed by the sound of something solid smacking into a puddle. Bilbo looked down and felt her mind begin to numb. Bellow her in a puddle of blood lay a strange blob that Bilbo knew she would have given birth two in a few months had she stayed at home that day.

The Orcs laughed and dropped the Hobbit before grabbing her hair to lift her head. Bilbo stared, open eyed at the students who were being held on there stomachs a few meters away with a large foot on their backs. The children where terrified and some had soiled themselves or had vomited. The Orcs laughed and raised there weapons above there heads.

'please...no more...' Bilbo prayed, blood beginning to seep through her clothes and onto her skin. The Orcs made a collected growl, the children began to scream and then... silence ruled for mealy seconds before the sounds of heads being kicked around filled Bilbo mind.

'This cant be happening... . This wasn't supposed to happen. We were going to learn about fairies and trees, we were going to celebrate Lorelei's seventh birthday. I was going to finish making that bear. Please... this is just a dream, right! This isn't real!' Bilbo though, only managing a small cry before her mind slipped and she found herself only half aware of her surroundings.

She barely noticed when her dress was ripped of and couldn't move when she was lifted up into a strange pose.

'just kill me now... no more. Please, no more'...

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This made me sad to write. :( Please tell me what you think, It would mean Millions to me!


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own the Hobbit or its characters.**

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Chapter2: Before The Beginning Part2

Bilbo felt warm and comfortable, a feeling she never thought she would have again. Her lower stomach felt numb and she could faintly hear voices talking quietly near her head.

"...lbo..." Bilbo opened her eyes slowly and looked to her left where she met a pare of concerned grey eyes.

"YOUR AWAKE!" The man cried, leaping into the air and hobbling his way over to Bilbo's side. "Are you Ok? How are you feeling? Do you feel sick? I can get the doctor if your feeling sick? Do you want some water? How's your stomach? Is the anaesthetic working? What ca..." The mans bombard of questions was interrupted by a door Bilbo hadn't noticed slamming open and revealing a frantic looking old Hobbit and a younger looking Hobbit lass. The who made there way to Bilbo, tears of joy beginning to fall from the Hobbit lass, and sat down on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" The older Hobbit gently pushed. Bilbo nodded in answer, a little shaken from all the excitement.

"Your lucky to be alive you know? Most would have died instantly if a fetes was taken out of them like that" The man shook his head and yelped when he was hit on the leg by a fuming Hobbit lass.

"Don't SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!" She yelled, her arms flailing about with anger, before she turned to Bilbo and smiled sadly.

"You've been asleep for a while, you may find it hard to walk for a few days but if you've heal enough I can let you go home tonight, Ok?" The nurse leant down and tucked one of Bilbo's curls away before kneeling down on the floor and dropping her head.

"... I have... classes today. ... Birds..." Bilbo whispered, a slight quiver in her voice. The nurse looked shocked for a minute before tears began to fall down her tanned cheeks.

"They..., none of them... they were all" She tried to say but the distraught in Bilbo's eyes made her cry harder. Bilbo closed her eyes and gritted her teeth before reaching out to pat the Nurses head.

"...Funeral...?" The nurse looked at Bilbo through glassy eyes and nodded slowly.

"Happened last week. You've been asleep for nearly a month..."

o0o0o0o0o0

Bilbo slowly opened her green door and stepped inside. She had left the Hospital early with the promise of going straight to bed when she got home. The sky was a cruel orange and pink and already small Fauntlings were being called into the safety of there Smials. Bilbo had noticed several of the older Hobbits turning away or cringing as she walked passed, some even grabbed there children and hid them from her.

Bilbo closed her door slowly and took a step forward. She was nervous and sad. Imaginary sounds of laughter echoed around the halls and Bilbo began to cry.

"I'm sorry" She cried, "I'm so, so sorry"

Bilbo raced down the hall to her room but stopped short and instead entered the room next to it. The light green walls made for a warm feeling but the sight of a white cot and a half made bear felt like a thousand needles in the chest. Bilbo fell to her knees and slowly crawled over to the mess of fur and stuffing. Tears flooding her eyes, Bilbo reached into the bears chest and pulled out a small needle and thread from where she began to finish her sons toy.

What began as finishing a bear turned into making a collection of toys with ribbons and pants placed smartly on them, each one seemingly unique but had the initials _B.B _placed in golden thread at the base of their feet

Bilbo stayed in that small room for hours and hours. The sun had risen, risen and fallen again and Bilbo began to feel her eyes fall shut.

_'I'll just stay here in my Smial for the rest of my life. Its safe here. No pain, no anger, no noise, and no Orcs. Yes, I think Ill stay here...'_

o0o0o0o0o0

10 years later

o0o0o0o0o0

Bilbo sighed slightly as the warm sun hit her skin. She hardly ever went outside anymore and so her skin was paler than most. The lass reached into her pocket and pulled out a small book but before she could open it she was interrupted by a rather out of tune humming coming closer and closer.

"Good morning"

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**:) That's most of the sadness for now. I hopped you liked this chapter. Ill try and update again soon! Happy reading to you, and I hope you will come back and read more of this story when its updated. Suggestions are welcome and I don't mind Criticism so feel free to review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own the Hobbit or its characters.**

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CHAPTER 3: ENTER THE DWARVES

Bilbo looked up at the wizard with a mixture of confusion and annoyance. The old man had completely twisted her simple words and had made her feel like a rude little child. Bilbo stood calmly, placing her book in the bench, and folded her arms.

"Can I help you?" She sighed, slightly tilting her hips to one side.

"Actually, I was looking for someone to share in an adventure." The wizard smiled and leaned forward on his stick.

"You'll have to be more specific then that!" Bilbo rolled her eyes, "Honestly, that could mean ANYTHING". Bilbo placed a hand on her hip and smiled.

"An adventure to cross half a world, slay a dragon, steal a stone and reclaim a homeland, and YOU would be perfect to play a part in that!" The wizard half sang.

"No, thank you" Bilbo sighed before turning and walking back to her front door. "I'd rather have dinner at dinner time and sleep at bet time..."

"That is indeed a great shame. ...What would lady Dis do if her sons died trying to steal the stone when they're too loud and smelly to do it" The man sighed a little louder that necessary before placing an aged hand on his head for effect. Bilbo stopped in her tracks and gasped.

_Lady Dis? Sons? Mother losing children! I COULDN'T..._

"WAIT!" Bilbo half shrieked while running to the old wizard and grabbing his grey robe. "There are peoples CHILDREN on this quest, CHILDREN that could DIE?!"

"Evey being in existence is someones child Bilbo, but yes, I do believe there are a few younger ones, All older than you but you age faster."

Bilbo scoffed at that last part but looked down in contemplation. "Very well... come over tonight, how...how many others are there. All wizards like you?"

The wizard shook his head slightly and took a step back. "Thirteen Dwarves" The wizard turned around and began walking away. "Oh and your a boy from now on, understand?" He shouted over his shoulder and waved at Bilbo. It was then that the Hobbit lass noticed the strange glowing symbol that had been calved into the dirt by her fence. Shaking her head slightly, Bilbo entered her smial. She had a lot of work to do if she was going to host thirteen people and Dwarves at that.

o0o0o0o0o0

Floors swept, windows washed, beds made and a feast being prepared had made Bilbo feel tired and hot but she wasn't about to have her pride flushed by a surprise visit. She baked and brewed and stirred and chopped like her life depended on it and danced with glee when the food sat happily on the table, but then she remembered the wizards-_ what was his name? Gandalf? That makes sense I guess? Explains how he knew my name..._-last departing words and panic filled her mind again.

How on earth was she going to _be_ a _male _from now on. Cutting her hair was out and she had no means of covering her chest. She could wear her fathers clothes and her mothers traveling cloak and binder but that would only take her so far, what about toiletries and bathing?

Shaking her head and smiling again, Bilbo raced into her room and pulled of her floral dress, replacing it with a blue tunic, black pants and brown suspenders. Her hair was placed in a loose pony-tale and her lips were rubbed clean of the little lipstick she wore.

Looking herself over in the mirror Bilbo felt pride in her figure and for the first time in her life was glad at the flatness of her chest compared to other females._ ' I should dress like this more often. Well I guess I have no choice now anyway... Should I pack some books? Maybe even some soap in case those Dwarves have a nasty tongue on them. I could eve..._'

Bilbo's musings were interrupted by a lout thudding on her door. Straightening her pants slightly, Bilbo made her way over to the door and opened it.

"Dwalin, at yer service" The dwarf on the doorstep bellowed, bowing slightly while looking down at the Hobbit.

"Bilbo Baggins... at yours." Bilbo semi squeaked while opening the door further, earning a slight growl of some emotion from Dwalin.

o0o0o0o0o0

Bilbo was going to grab that over-sized beard of Gandalf's and colour it a soft shade of pink before tying in bows and ribbons. Imagine, getting thirteen strangers to come over for dinner before running of and hiding in the Library. Bilbo had no idea how to entertain Dwarves. She didn't know what music they liked and they all seemed to secretive to just talk to, not to mention the suspicious looks some of them kept giving her, AND there was still one missing, so Bilbo simply kept on bringing out treats and Ale, silently praying that Gandalf would come to her rescue.

3 solemn loud knocks on the door had any noise that was filling the house silenced.

"He is here" Gandalf said, appearing from behind a door and startling Bilbo some what, making her squeak in a rather indignant manor. The Hobbit nodded to herself and made her way to the door, opening it silently and gently before stepping back to make more room.

"Gandalf" The new Dwarf said, completely ignoring Bilbo and entering the Smial with heavy feet. "I thought I would never make it here, I lost my way... twice" The dwarf shook his head and looked at the approaching Wizard.

"Thorin." Gandalf nodded, "Are, Bilbo! Allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield"

Bilbo nodded and looked up at Thorin with calm eyes. "So this is the Burglar?" Thorin sighed, "He looks more like a grocer, Tell me, What is your weapon of choice? Sword or Axe?"

Bilbos mouth fell open and she felt anger rise in her stomach. '_A GROCER!? What a rude, stupid, unethical BRUTE! I am no... no GROCER! Why I ought to..' _Bilbo shook her head and began walking to the kitchen.

"There are more weapons in this world than Sword or Axe" She scoffed before leaving the grope to themselves, only reappearing when everyone was sitting and talking quietly about legends and Dragons.

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**Hope you liked this chapter. Stupid Thorin :P he's so rude. See you next chapter, Thank you for reading. Please tell me what you think, It means a lot! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not won the Hobbit or its characters**

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CHAPTER 3:

First step, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

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Bilbo sat and watched the discussion unfold, a cup of tea in her hand. Her mind was telling her to stand up and twist a few ears and send a few Dwarves to the naughty corner but she refrained.

"No, no, no! I'm definitely more charming than the lot of you!" Kili laughed, slapping Fili on the back.

"What are you on abou' laddie? You got no hair!" Gloin laughed.

"HA! You have the complete opposite problem Gloin!" Dwalin bellowed, "Though your hairs not all on your head, Its more down on your..." Dwalin was interrupted by the overly loud sigh from Bilbo.

"I'm going to bed" She mumbled before rising, "Bedrooms are just down the hall, Make yourselves at home but don't make a mess". The Dwarves watched as Bilbo vanished down the hall and shared confused looks with each other.

**o0o0o0o0o0**

"What have I done?!" Bilbo sighed to herself as she sank into bed, "I can't steal from a dragon, Why did I sign the contract? I shouldn't have signed the contract... .Why do I even have to pretend to be a boy? I'm confused..." She whined before snuggling into her blanket, allowing her mind to drift as she fell into sleep.

_-"Ready?"_

_"NO! I can't do this!"_

_"Have faith in yourself will ya?"_

_"But..."_

_"Don't worry, I'll be right here. I'm always right here..."-_

**o0o0o0o0o0**

Bilbo hummed slightly as she flipped the eggs and tomato's in the pan. Warm smells filled the smial and soon the sound of groaning and loud food steps echoed down the hall making Bilbo chuckle.

"Good morning!" Balin sang as he passed Bilbo, earning himself a warm smile and an even warmer breakfast. Fili and Kili entered shortly after, followed by Thorin, Bifur, Bombur, Dwalin, Ori, Nori, Dori, Bofur, Gloin, Gandalf and then finally Oin. Bilbo gave each of them their food and a warm smile before proceeding to make coffee. The day was sunny and warm, holding a calm golden glow in the morning breeze.

Thorin grumbled slightly to himself before the Dwarf stood and cleared his throat, earning himself the attention he silently requested. "We'll leave in half an hour! Be ready, I don't want to be wasting any time." He spoke loud and clear, the image of nobility to every one at the table except Gandalf - who was contently chewing on his pipe - and a suddenly annoyed Hobbit lass who was slowly rising in her chair.

"Now! Before we leave we will NEED to get some ponies. I've located a seller at a place near here but..." Thorin never managed to finish that sentence as a fuming Bilbo had grabbed one of his ears and was pulling him down to eye level with surprising strength.

"Are you blind, master Oakenshield?" She softly whispered, earning a growl and a head shake in return. "Then why on earth are you SPEAKING AS THOUGH EVERYONE WAS HALF A MILE AWAY! INSIDE VOICE MISTER, PLEASE!"

Letting go of the shocked Dwarf, Bilbo chuffed and wondered back to her seat, face going slightly red as she felt 13 shocked pares of eyes and one amused pare staring at her.

"So...well... the ponies might be expensive..." Thorin continued, much calmer and quieter than before and he turned his eyes to Bilbo for approval; although he didn't know that was what it was at the time. Bilbo nodded and stood up quietly.

"ok, every one. Let's all get ready nice and quick! If we leave past noon then we may not leave today at all, there's a festival coming and the carts from Bree will be arriving then." Bilbo sang, semi twirling as she walked down the hall before mentally punching herself

'Boy, I must be a boy!'

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**That's it for now. Hope you liked this chapter. Sorry for the lack of updating. :(  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Don't own the hobbit**

Chapter 4: One

Bilbo was in trouble. Bilbo was in a lot of trouble. Bilbo was in so much trouble that it was scary. The little hobbit had had a very long day and by the time the company had stopped she was exhausted. Noticing a small lake near by, the hobbit lass had decided to take a bath. That brings us to the present, where Bilbo is currently hiding behind a rock in the lake, completely naked, with a group of loud and energetic Dwarves swimming on the other side of the rock.

Bilbo put an arm over her chest and shifted again, sinking lower into the water. A small fallen tree created a great get-away route only a few meters away but that would put Bilbo out in the open for too long and with the Dwarves being so close she didn't want to risk it.

'What do I do? What do I do?' Bilbo thought, risking a small glance to the Dwarves and was happy to see them distracted with a sulking Ori. Bilbo couldn't stay where she was. The water was getting cold and it wouldn't be muck longer until she was spotted. Bilbo had to run. But where? The shore was just too far away, unless she could dive there, but that was preposterous.

"Bilbo?" A quiet voice alerted Bilbo to someone standing above her.

'crap'

Looking up, Bilbo spluttered and sank as muck into the water as she could while still breathing. Above her, on the rock, stood a very naked, very confused looking Kili.

"What on earth are you doing here? All the others are over there" The young Dwarf chuckled and jumped into the water next to Bilbo before grabbing the Hobbits wrist.

"Come on then!" Kili laughed before he began pulling Bilbo out of her hiding spot.

"W...wait! Kili!" Bilbo felt panic well in her chest.

"Look who I found!" Bilbo went red as all eyes turned to her.

'This is it. Ive been found out! I never though I would only last a few weeks.' Bilbo looked down and sighed, preparing herself for the questions and scoldings that were surly to come.

"I was wondering where you were lad." Dwalin laughed.

"Ori didn't want to come in because of you! Thought you was lost and wanted to find ya!" Nori shook his head slightly.

'There morons.'

The dwarves, after quick rounds at each other, went back to the way they were before, fighting, splashing, singing and washing, All the while Bilbo stood dumbfounded at her situation.

The dwarves were clueless Morons, and Bilbo was thankful to that fact. Sighing slightly, Bilbo made her way to the shore and waited for the right moment before, with silent steps, she leaped out of the lake and ran away. Quickly disappearing into the plants and trees beyond.

**Ok, Just a short little chapter. Bit of a time skip but necessary. Thank you for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own the Hobbit**

**Chapter 5: IT BEGINS! MWA-HA-HA**

The next day was reasonably quiet. The company left early and travelled for a few hours, only stopping for a few minutes here and there when necessary. The sun was warm and birds sang, filling Bilbo with childish joy.

They made camp at an abandoned farmyard while there was still a small amount of light and went about doing what they did best. For Thorin, that was pissing of Wizards and making them charge off. For Bombur and Bilbo, it was cooking, and for the others, it was mingling.

Bilbo watched, calmly chopping herbs and meat, as Fili and Kili were ordered to watch the ponies, as Bofur and Bifur sat and played with sticks, as Ori began writing in his book, and as Dwalin started scolding Nori, all the while bighting down a cruel sense of Deja Vu.

"Here, take these to th' lads will ya?" Bombur smiled, handing Bilbo two small bolls of stew. The Hobbit nodded before standing up, bolls in hand, and began to make her way to the young Brothers by the ponies. She hummed quietly as she weaved around trees and shrubs only to stop abruptly when she reached her destination. Fili turned around and looked at Bilbo, slight panic in his eyes.

"We've got a ... slight problem" The older said before turning away.

"We were supposed to be looking after the ponies. We had 16..." Kili mumbled.

"Now there's 14" Finished Fili, earning an eyebrow raise from Bilbo. The lass sighed, following as the brothers began running around, talking about Bilbo looking into it. A loud crash had the trio ducking for cover, gasping as a troll galumphed passed, 2 ponies under arm. Bilbo felt a pang of panic in her chest as she saw the brothers unsheathe the swords.

_Danger... Children...run..._

"You two go and get Thorin." Bilbo whispered, her small feet inching forward. "Ill see what I can do about the Ponies, OK?"

Bilbo looked back and sighed at the unsure faces of Fili and Kili. "You will go and get Thorin! Say it was my fault, ok?" Bilbo comforted before pointing a slender figure towards camp. "Go!"

This time the boys listened, leaving quickly and quietly. Bilbo sighed and snuck forward towards the Troll camp. Closer and closer, until she could see every detail of the three huge trolls around a large fire.

'now what?' Bilbo panicked. She hadn't thought past getting the boys out and found her legs started to shake slightly. The small hobbit sunk lower into a squat and began to creep forward towards a large pen that held various animals including the kidnapped ponies. She shook the wood and robe to no avail, It was mouldy but sturdy.

o0o0o0o0o0

'how did I get in this situation? Did I do something wrong in my past life?' Bilbo sighed as the large troll dropped her on the floor rather rudely. She had tried to steal its knife to open the pen, only to get caught in its hand and used as a tissue.

Bilbo yelled in frustration and the trolls creamed.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" The lass yelled, putting her hands on her hips and frowning. The trolls looked at each other for a moment then back at the small Hobbit. They raised there giant arms and made to squash her only to be yelled at again.

"What do you think you're doing young man?!" Bilbo growled, folding her arms and looking down on the trolls, which, for the size difference, was a great feat. "Sit" She barked and felt a pang of pride when the Trolls obeyed.

The trolls huddled, cried, sulked and winged as the 'scary' and 'mean' snot thing walked around yelling at the three about how there parents would be ashamed of them and that they should know better mixed in with many other scolding's, all the while cleaning slime off its clothes. Bilbo was so occupied with clothes and trolls that she didn't notice when the Dwarves came charging into the clearing, nor did she notice when all 13 of them stood around her shocked and amused. She just kept on pacing and yelling at the three now balling trolls.

"AND THEN, if you lot aren't careful... That is BAD! You lot are very BAD!..." Bilbo went on, and on, and on, and on, to the point that the Dwarves started laughing and cheering, not knowing Bilbo was yet to notice them.

The night drew closer to an end and Bilbo still hadn't let the Trolls go, only stopping when light pored around them and her 'prisoners' turned to statues in precarious positions such as in a ball on the floor or dribbling snot onto the ground.

"Well that was... interesting" Whispered Dwalin, receiving nods from all others around the large Dwarf.

"More like a mother than a Lad" Laughed Gloin, earning some chuckles from his family.

**OK! There we go! I hope you liked this chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own the Hobbit**

Chapter 6: Slight Role alteration

Something inside Bilbo changed that day with the trolls. She began teaching Ori and Bifur about plants and had started to tell Filfi and Kili about the slight magic in the earth. She began to notice similarities between the Dwarves and her old students and began to act like the teacher she once was. Once, when Kili was running around like a mad horse, one of his boot straps came undone and threatened to trip him. Bilbo in a flash of movement had lightly and suddenty sat him down before tying the straps back up. Fili chuckled at the Hobbits antics and insisted that wasn't necessary only to find himself being stared down with a fire worse than Thorins.

Dwalin had found it amusing at that time. Who knew male Hobbits were maternal? That was, of course, until he and Thorin where having a small argument about the taste of lettuces and a small curse escaped his lips. The large dwarf shrieked when a small hand wrapped around his ear and pulled him down. Thorin watched in amazment as the tiny Hobbit dragged Dwalin away and forced him to chew on a particularly wet piece of wood. The warrior too stunned to do anything.

**_oOoHOBBIToOo_**

Bilbo wondered what Gandalf was smoking that could mess his brain so much! They had been walking through the bog-land for ages. The movement was tedious as the path makers were hidden slightly. She knew it was called the 'Hidden Valley' but unless it fell underground their wizard was insane.

"Arr! Here it is!" Cried Gandalf as he pointed to a small cave like hole that held a steep path. Bilbo mentally apologized before sighing in relief and entered the cave. The slope was long and windy, filled with the sent of water. For what felt like hours, but in reality was only half of an hour, the tunnel opened out and revealed swaying tree, sweeping grass and flowing water. A small song swayed in the air that only elves could sing.

_A hobbit? Its a Hobbit? Such a strange one indeed._

_A small pack of Dwarves?_

_But she would rather just read!_

_A Dwarf King! Look a Dwarf King!_

The song faded and Bilbo looked up. _Elves. _There were two of them, humming happily in a tree, jumping down when the Company came close.

"Your going the wrong way!" One chimed, his long flowing hair curling around his arms.

"Would you like to stay with us and sing?" Sang the other, his beautiful eyes hinting at more that childish songs and fun. "...Or we could guide you! Which one? Which one? The others are expecting you though, and food is being prepared"

"The smell! Such a kind smell, Apples! Bread!" Soothed the other. Thorin answered to be guided, though with some annoyance.

The company marched on and after a while they came to a small bridge filled with clear water. Thorin knelt down and stared at it.

"Careful! Don't get your hair wet! Its long enough when you not kneeling down!"

Thorin stood up and made to make a snark comment about their own hair but a subtle kick from Bilbo shut him up. Hobbits

**_oOoHOBBIToOo_**

'WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?' Fumed Bilbo as she munched on a small tart. It had been such a nice start to a meal. Everyone sat down and began to eat. Gandalf was in a deep conversation with the Lord Elrond and Bilbo was content to listen to the idle chatter flooding the room. Then, to Elronds amusement and Bilbos horror, Bofur-bless his heart- leaped onto the table, with the enthusiasm of a child, and began to stomp and sing. It was a nice enough song and soon all the Dwarves where singing along and being merry. Bilbo had half a mind to stand up and smack the lot of them however no one seemed to truly mind and her companions seemed so happy.

Bilbo smiled slightly before continuing to ea. Suddenly she dropped her fork and clutched her stomach, her eyes screwing shut in an attempt to ease the pain. A beautiful elf noticed her grief and wondered over to her, all others occupied by their rowdy guests.

"Miss Baggins?" The she Elf whispered, a slender hand clasping Bilbos own.

"Im...fine. Just... a cramp. Can I be excused?" The Hobbit panted out. The elf frowned and nodded. With little complaint from Bilbo, the Elf lead the Hobbit away, taking her to a room that smelled of roses and steam. A large bath presented itself on the floor, its fine marble illuminating the water.

"I will leave you hear. The water will help. Your room is only two doors down, I shall place a feather on the door." The elf Bowed, handed Bilbo a towel from nowhere and proceeded to leave.

"Wait!" Cried the hobbit, "Whats your name, if I may ask?"

"Arwen" Was all the elf said before leaving. _What a beautiful elf! Though she seemed...distracted?_

**Thats all for now. Hope you enjoyed!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own the Hobbit.**

Chapter 7: Memories and Memoirs

Bilbo sighed as she lay back in the warm water. She could still hear the sounds of rowdy music and yelling, to her displeasure and gratitude, and the occasional curse word, but she was to tired to do anything about it. She simply allowed the warm water to wash over her as she closes her eyes.

_\- "No, no. The Orange one is Hatred. Its the White one we want."-_

_-"But the Orange one is so pretty. Its like your hair when its in the sun."-_

_-"Don't even try to charm your way out of this one! Now come, come. We don't have all day. We need to get their before noon."-_

_-"Coming dear. You worry too much. ... and I still think the Orange one is better."-_

_-"Yes, yes. Nothing says Happy Birthday like an 'I hate you' in flowers. So very sweet"-_

_-"Hehe. Your point is made"-_

Bilbo smiled at the memory. The Hobbit slowly sat up and reached for her pant pockets. Pulling out a small golden ring, Bilbo lay back into the water and closed her eyes again, resting the golden band on her chest, safely in her palm.

_Bilbo and another Hobbit walked side by side down a calm path. The sun warmed their skin while birds swooped and dived in joyous flight around them. It was a calm scene._

_"They where so good! Miliana even manages to grow a sapling, right there in the class!" Bilbo laughed. The other nodded, 'oo-ing' and 'arr-ing' at tall the right points. He smiled and squeesed Bilbo's hand affectionately, his own golden ring reflecting of her skin. Then the scene changed, like blowing out a candle. It was dark and lonely. Bilbo called out a name she hadn't uttered in years. _

_A figure appeared before her, damp and green, though the dark curls where unmistakable. The figure charged and Bilbo ran, looking behind only to see several Orcs and their noble Wargs instead, their eyes black holes that seemed to cry in a bubbled laughter._

_Bilbo tripped over a small sphere, pressure on her back and crying in her ears._

_-let me go! Let me go! Mummy! Mummy!- They cry, increasing in volume until there's a sudden eerie silence_

_-Look' like its all alone! Well... not completely!-_

Bilbo bolted upright as she muffled her scream, tears falling down her flushed cheeks.

"Are you alright?" Came a calming voice. Arwen, Bilbo recalled. The Hobbit looked up and nodded at the she-elf.

"I'm sorry..." Bilbo looked down at the blankets... _Blankest? _Looking around, Bilbo noted that she was in a comfy room with a big bed and and an even larger carved window.

"How..."

"You fell asleep in the bath. I didn't see you come out for a few hours and grew worried. I hope you don't mind. This is your room while you stay, anyway."

Bilbo smiled and shook her head. "Thank you"

"If I may. How did you get that wound?"

Bilbo paled. Of course Arwen had seen it. She had taken her from the bathroom to here, most likely naked and had dresses her ... assumingly, unless she was dressed by magic or someone else, one of which would be worse than the other however.

"You needn't answer. It's not my business. Just lie down, go back to sleep. I can stay or leave depending on you if you like."

Bilbo complied and lay down. "It seems a lifetime ago, now that I think about it. I was the best teacher in all of Hobbiton! Only had twenty or so students at one time though. Was all I could handle. More than that in a group and fauntlings go mad, run around and get lost." Bilbo began, Arwen took it as a request to stay and so sat down in a small chair by the Hobbit and listened.

Bilbo talked for hours to the elf - who, surprisingly enjoyed every minute and listened with the intensity and excitement of a child - about her husband and family, her students, classes, what she taught, then eventually about the orcs, the wound, the pain, the loneliness. Everything just fell out of the Hobbits mouth who was becoming sleepier by the second, finally falling asleep.

Arwen covered the smaller female with a quilt and left, shutting the door behind her.

oOoHOBBIToOo

Dwarves, as it turned out, where rather rude house guests - not that Bilbo was shocked.- After several days of racist comments and destruction of property, the Dwarves decided to run away in the middle of the night, without so much as a thank you! Bilbo couldn't have such disrespect around her, though she understood the reasoning. She had come up with a plan to not only punish her rude companions but thank her kind hosts and couldn't help but grin as she walked up the mountain path.

Thorin didn't even try to insult the creature, that smile scared him. It scared him a lot. Like a younger sibling seeing such a toothy look on the eldest. A sudden memory of eating dirty socks and having ox dung brushed through his hair filled his mind, making him shudder. Hell, He himself was the eldest yet Dis managed to terrorise the Kind-Of, Possibly- to-Be- King so badly it left mental scars. Cheeky smiles never looked the same to him again.

"What the!" Gloin bellowed, making a few Dwarves jump. Bilbo simply smiled more. "Me underclothes are missing! Jus' some frilly nonsense in here!"

Meanwhile, not to far away, A group of elves where laughing and rolling on the floor with tears in their eyes. In front of them stood 13 strange scare-crows - if that is what they could be called- standing in rather amusing positions in their runaway guests under clothes with amusingly painted faces. On one was a simple note. -_ Sorry for our rudeness and sudden departure. We took the broken clothes from your waste room, hope scaring away birds is enough payment.-_

Arwen grinned slightly as she looked at the 'scare-crows' in front of her. 'Blessed Hobbit' She thought, 'The clothes where free'.

"My Lady Arwen" Came a soft voice, making the elf blush slightly, invisible to any normal eye but indeed there.

"Estel, Why the title. I do not like them coming from your lips"

"My apologies. The halfling, you worry for her, don't you?"

"Yes, I fear for her. She has a dangerous path before her and I can only hope she survives" Estel stepped forward and smiled. "A little faith can fly a long way."

oOoHOBBIToOo

"Bloody ELVES! BLOODY HOBBITS!"

Bilbo laughed, loudly and full of joy.

"Don't worry! These are warmer and stronger than the previous."

"I DON'T CARE!" Cried The Durin and Ir families.

**I hope this was good. Please tell me how i'm going. It makes me happy to hear from readers so I can learn! I'll update soon. Promise!**


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